Paper Mache Unfinished Comedy & Tragedy Set

Over the years, my dating life has seen it’s share of both these masks. If you are unfamiliar with them they are comedy and tragedy. Greek in nature and linked to a variety of early plays from Shakespearean theater. A great example is Hamlet in which everyone dies and there is no happy ending, a modern example is Sons of Anarchy. In two previous articles I have spoken about damaged women, Why am I so well versed in the topic? It’s because this is what I continue to attract. I’ve been searching for an answer as to why, and this is what I’ve come up with…I appear to have many answers. Random people everywhere will come talk to me no matter where I am. It’s happened to me in the U.S. and overseas. I usually don’t welcome conversation with strangers, it just happens. I don’t have a desire to fix everything. I’m not into buying a fixer upper, I want to move in and start living tomorrow. In order to express this in the finest manner, I will share some stories of the damaged women that I have attracted.

The Recovering Addict: Comedy

About two years ago I moved to Washington State and promptly met a woman on eHarmony. I started talking to her before I arrived there and went on a date with her after about 2-3 weeks of conversation. She was very nice, quiet, but undercover aggressive and I liked it that way. We started dating and got along very well, and then secrets started emerging out of nowhere. When I went to pick her up, she was staying in a house with two other women and I didn’t see this as a big deal because she was single. However, after a few weeks of seeing each other, she mentions that she is married. Instantly, I’m like, “WTF”. She explains that they are separated and are both seeing other people. I’m okay with this, just didn’t like to find out as a surprise. Then she lets it slip that she stays in a halfway house for recovering addicts as part of her release agreement. She wanted to come clean with me. I wasn’t bothered by this so much until she had one final secret to tell me because she was feeling guilty. She was also a recovering meth addict. This was some jaw dropping honesty and I stayed with her only because I knew I was deploying to Afghanistan soon and wanted to keep some steady poon around. Was I a bit wrong for this yes, but the sex was insane and she was great company. Separated and working through a divorce…recovering addict from two substances. On a scale of 1-10 her damage rating was about a 7. There is always a chance that an addict will slip if given the wrong negative motivation. The broken marriage thing is always a cliff hanger. No one knows where that merry go round will stop. Eventually we stopped talking after I went to Afghanistan, so I say this was more comedy than tragedy.

The Cutter: Tragedy

Also while in Washington state, (there may be a pattern here) I started dating this young lady of 23 that I met over Badoo. Another dating App but far more low budget than eHarmony. One day I get a message and immediately start checking out the profile. Her pics were great. She had nice eyes, a nice figure, well dressed and most of all she was 23. Young and impressionable. We spoke for a few days and then decided to meet one day after work at a Denny’s. Well, as I was waiting and surveying the area, I see a young woman walk up and I immediately know that it’s her. However, she had about 30 more pounds than the photos. I still decided to have the cup of coffee and sit for a chat. She had great conversation and for the moment I was able to overlook the misdirecting photos and weight. After that, the next time I saw her was at my place and yes, I banged her out. I didn’t really enjoy it that much but I was really horny and needed the release. I continued to see her for about a month or so but I just couldn’t get over the weight. As I was dealing with that, one day after sex, I noticed deep gashes on her legs. Being me, I made a joke in asking her what they were from. My joke was actually the truth and it turned out that she was a cutter. This was the second time I had encountered a woman such as this but only the first time I had slept with one. It was at this point I had to enact a dumb ass rule that heard from a crazy guy a few years ago, but made complete sense months later. The two fault rule. If a woman had two or more faults that you can’t deal with, then get rid of her. Well, she was pretty big for my tastes and also a cutter…two faults. So, after our last sexual encounter a bit of time passed and I don’t hear from her. Also, I didn’t really try either. On Thanksgiving I get a message from and that’s when I decide to let it all out. Well, she gets super offended and says that she dumped me because I became boring. I didn’t even know that we were dating. In my eyes I dodged a major bullet by not prolonging the “FWB” relationship. However, I could have had more fun with a cutter, If I had kept it around longer. Oh well, there are definitely more out there I want one.


The way I’ve always figured, is that relationships always end in either comedy or tragedy. How much control do you have over this? Honestly not much when you think about it. The actions in these type of relationships I’ve described are totally unpredictable. It’s not tragedy or comedy when you match up with someone you consider to “average” or “normal”. Of course these adjectives are determined by your own judgement. Some of you would consider a cutter or a recovering druggy to be perfectly okay. As for myself, I know I can do better.

Batman stole all his stuff from me. I could totally beat up Liam Neeson.