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184H

Are you a jerk? If so, do you realize you are? Do you act like an incorrigible douchebag for no reason at all? Does your behavior turn women off? If the answer to any of the previous questions is yes, welcome to New Jerk City, where all jerks are encouraged to find out what makes them jerks and the best way to relocate from New Jerk City.

The term “jerk” is informally defined as a contemptibly obnoxious person. Simply put, it means you get on people’s nerves in general. It means that you give something off regularly that causes individuals to want to go off on you with no regard to your feelings. It means when you generally open your mouth – no one cares what you have to say because it is likely going to be something utterly disrespectful.

As men, we have all had a jerk moment once or twice in our lives. We are human and by virtue of that indisputable fact, we are prone to the occasional screw up. This piece is not intended for you. We are talking to the 24/7/365 jerks. The jerks who wake up with jerk thoughts and go to sleep with them. It is likely these jerks even have jerk dreams where they spend the hours asleep at night having visions of terrorizing civilizations with their jerk ways. These jerks even say “good morning” or “have a good day” in a jerk tone.

It is important to start by understanding that jerks come in multiple forms. Let us review a few jerks for reference sake:

  1. The “oblivious jerk” – This jerk acts like he doesn’t care about anything or anyone around him – even people in his so-called circle of friends. He lacks a serious social consciousness – he’s usually a bad driver or won’t give up his seat to an elderly person or woman on public transportation. Depending on the other person who’s come into contact with this jerk – at some point in his life he’s been called an a**hole or a jacka**.
  2. The “conceited jerk” – This jerk has an incredibly high view of himself that extends way beyond self-confidence or self-esteem. He spends more hours in the mirror than his woman not because he wants to look nice but because needs the additional time to admire the physical gift that is him. When he’s at the gym – he works out in the mirror so he can see who’s checking him out. He doesn’t take compliments from women whom he feels are beneath him physically and barely accepts them from women who he might consider his “equal”. This jerk is the most likely to be publically disrespectful and is “too attractive” to care if someone tries to do the same to him. He views it as an honor when he chooses a woman to be his lady and feels she better treat him as such.
  3. The “ignorant jerk” – This jerk thinks he knows everything and acts like it all the time. You can’t tell or teach him anything. If you talk to him about sports, he’s played them all. If you start conversation about thermal dynamics, he studied at MIT. Basically, this is the jerk no one ever wants to have a conversation with because it will like be filled with a bunch of unsubstantiated garbage. He’s always volunteering information without being prompted. He may have higher education and more degrees than you and he can’t wait for the chance to stick them in your face. This jerk thinks he looks smart to his “friends” but secretly they want to slap the crap out of him. At some point in life, he’s been told to “Shut the h*ll up” but he was so busy talking nonsense he probably missed it.
  4. The “perfect jerk” – this is the jerk who never has any issues. He had the perfect childhood, his parents were perfect. He will never admit he made a mistake which means it is likely he will never apologize for anything. Even if he screwed up real bad, he’ll just press on like nothing happened and therefore doesn’t need to be justified with any explanation. This jerk is relentless in his perfection. You can’t tell him anything that might alter his perfect view of himself. If you do, he will throw one of your imperfections in your face in the attempt to get back to his perfect jerk status
  5. The “omnipotent jerk” – this jerk views himself as a higher power. He is almost certain he and God look just alike. There is not a skill he does not possess. He can sing like an angel (and has no problem telling you). He can dance better than Michael (Jackson not Jordan). The guy from the Dos Equis commercials has nothing on this jerk in his mind. This jerk lacks even the slightest bit of humility.
  6. The “connected jerk” – this jerk knows everyone and no problem telling you regularly. His social circle extends to entertainers, the wealthy, pro athletes, CEO’s etc. Meanwhile, he works a menial job that barely covers the rent money he chips in with his roommates every month. This jerk is really an undercover groupie who met Ralph Macchio or Hammer once and still holds that memory near and dear to his heart.
  7. The “uniform jerk” – this jerk puts on a uniform that gives him a false sense of power or machismo. You’ve encountered them. Jerk cops. Jerk doctors. Jerk military. You give them a badge/scalpel/rank and they don’t know how to act. These jerks were usually pushed around or bullied growing up and decide to get a uniform as soon as possible to get their respect. These jerks have to let you know who the “man” is any time they think you don’t respect their “authority”.

These are just a few descriptions of jerks. But what brings a guy to the point where he becomes this jerk? Most jerks weren’t born that way. A large number of them become jerks over time in order to conceal some deep seeded issues. They use being a jerk as a defense mechanism out of fear that you’ll find out what or who they really are when they’re not being a douchebag.

By no means am I suggesting that being a jerk is a crime. It is not against the law to be an unbearable man. In some cases, no one has ever pointed it out to them.However, being a jerk is and can be incredibly counterproductive. This very fact is why it is vital to do constant self-assessments starting with one simple question: How can I be a better man?

Let us take it a step further. How does being a jerk affect my interaction with women? It is possible that many women find you attractive but you are unable to sustain any relationship with them for any significant length of time. Why is that? What is it about YOU that aids in the relationship falling apart? Food for thought – if you can’t sustain any relationship long term, chances are it is not the other people – it is you. Living in New Jerk City probably doesn’t help you come to that conclusion because most residents of New Jerk City don’t accept their role in failed relationships. They usually shuck blame or just move onto another relationship (or a combination of both).

Quick thought. Have you ever noticed the term “jerk” is usually reserved for males? You’ve never heard a man call a woman a “jerk”. Usually when a woman fits the bill of being a jerk a less than flattering term is used to describe her. The last thing you want as a man is for anyone to use that term when discussing you.

There are some jerks who think it is simply a matter of finding someone else who can deal with their personality. Your reputation is not based on what you say about yourself; it is about what others say about you. As much as women like to talk to other women about men, are you really comfortable being known primarily as a jerk?

Moving out of New Jerk City isn’t an easy process. You cannot just call a moving company to come ship your stuff to a new locale. You have to assess, throw things out and pack. Your move can’t be singularly about someone else. It has to be about you. You can choose to continue living in New Jerk City but I promise you that the longer you live there the lonelier your existence will be. The question is whether or not residence in New Jerk City is really worth your long term commitment.

People who strive to change the world don't take the high road; they build it - @MaxwellWStyles

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