Aral Tasher

If you are a man, you will think about sex and the attractiveness of the opposite sex very often. It doesn’t matter where you are. It can be at the grocery store, mall, hospital, car wash, hell even the dental office. Wherever attractive women will conjugate, trust that there are a pair of beady men eyes to observe, judge, and catalogue later for future use. Many times a significant other will become upset if they catch looking at another woman. It’s natural for you to continue to stack up what you have against what is out there. This doesn’t mean that you are unhappy with your choice, it simply means that you want to be reassured on semi-consistent basis. I firmly believe that everyone is responsible for their own actions but your actions can be influenced or manipulated by what others do. Women…are the masters of this.


You love your girlfriend. You spend time with her, talk to her, and do all the things a faithful boyfriend does. However, it’s always about her and never about you. It’s always about her feelings, what she wants, and how she can be pleased. Most likely you didn’t mind this in the beginning because you never took notice of it. One day, you bring this up in casual conversation…no results. You drop hints every so often and still no change, because she is happy with the direction of the relationship.

So, you work in an office or some other type of work environment with females. One woman in particular shows interest in you as a friend. She knows you have a girlfriend, so she understands boundaries. However, she doesn’t mind bringing you a cup of coffee in the morning. When she steps out to lunch she inquires to whether or not you are hungry. She asks about you night, and takes an interest in your interests.  Meanwhile at home, you continue to go about with your parasitic relationship because you love your woman. So, maybe your girlfriend goes home to visit family or across the country to visit friends. In her absence, you spend some time with your co-worker. In a crazy night of a good meal, great conversation, and a bit of flirting…you engage in sexual activity with this woman. Have you done something wrong? Yes, you cheated. I fully believe in a person taking responsibility for their actions but, deep down inside…you’ve been driven.

Your girlfriend inadvertently forced you into the bed of another woman. Her actions and neglect drove you to seek the comfort, rather attention of another woman. You still love her, but she left you unfulfilled. This is where mistakes were made. The first mistake was your catering to her which led to her neglect of caring about anything that has to do with you. She is happy and that’s all that matters. Your catering allowed her to drive the relationship and we all know that women should never drive long distances. The longer they drive, the more they neglect the signs.

After this night of passion, will you break up with your girlfriend? No, because you love her. Will you confess this misstep to your girlfriend? Hell no! What you must do is introduce this co-worker to your woman. I know it sounds crazy, but hear me out. Primarily, your girlfriend will sense that something has happened but not exactly that it was ex. This will start making her ponder the relationship from your perspective. Why? Because she feels threatened. Any animal that is backed into a corner will defend themselves and this is what you want your girlfriend to do. Albeit dangerous, it’s the most effective way to maintain your relationship, bring to light any problems that you may have, and for a while you may keep some extra poon on the side until your girlfriend smartens up. Just don’t give your side chick to much of the good stuff, because if she develops deep enough feeling for you…welcome to the proverbial traffic jam.


You’re married, or something just as serious, like a severely long term relationship. I’m talking over 3 years. You’re living together, sleeping in the same bed, taking vacations, the whole nine yards. However, something has always bothered you…the sex. Now, the sex is good, great even but it’s missing something. A good old fashioned fellating. Or maybe, it’s the mysterious back door you crave. Whatever it is, this conversation won’t even be entertained. If it’s the fellatio, maybe it’s very rare or even almost non-existent like a unicorn. When it does happen, maybe it’s not that great or you just want it to stop as soon as it starts. You might even think she is doing it on purpose because she dislikes it so much. The problem is you can never talk about it.

One day, in your infinite guy wisdom, you decide to get a prostitute. Of course you are breaking the law but also cheating on your significant other. However, this prostitute gives you the best fellatio you’ve ever had in your life because…she’s a pro. No questions asked, no rush to get it over with, just pure unhinged mouth pleasure on your manual transmission. You’re in a great mood the next day. It seems as if the sun has finally broken through the dense cloud cover of a nuclear winter and there is suddenly hope for humanity once again. Your significant other of course notices the change in you and you brush it off as nothing major. She knows though man, she knows something is up. In common female detective fashion she starts soft interrogation tactics. You won’t break, but you know something has to be done, lest you develop an infatuation for this hooker.

After standing firm through her attempts to find out what has changed you, you tell her that a conversation must be had. You begin to bring up the sex life. Of course, if you are pleasing her then she doesn’t believe there is cause for alarm.  Most women think as long as a man climaxes, the desired result is achieved. I can tell you from experience this is not true. If it were the case, men would be able to masturbate themselves forever without female contact and never be found wanting. Obviously, we cannot do this. Because you raised her alarm, she is finally having this conversation with you. Bringing up the fact that her fellatio leaves something to be desired or she doesn’t want to experiment with the one way street, will make her think you are unhappy. You reassure her that this is not the case, and that it is simply a matter of two pleasure and not having a predictable redundant sex life.

Keep in mind that it took an extreme action for her to notice what she was doing. She need to actually hit the vehicle in front of her to realize she was out of space. However, if she would have listened to you in the first place, your bumper would not be in that Ford Escorts back seat right now. Take that last statement to mean whatever you want it to. Placing blame aside, you were driven to find another parking spot. Your short lived tryst with the woman of the night, might just have saved your relationship. I mean, think about only being this far into it and already being bored with the sex! Not going to last much longer after that, unless you just decide to make cheating a regular practice and then just maybe you can hang on.


A few things to take away from this entire article. First, communication is very important. This is why you have blinkers, lights, and horns, so that people know what hell your next move is on the road and also can be alerted to when they are doing something stupid. Secondly, cheating can open roads that were previously closed off in a relationship, by making your partner notice the change in your demeanor. In no way am I advocating cheating, but avoiding the problems with your car doesn’t make them go away.

Batman stole all his stuff from me. I could totally beat up Liam Neeson.