yellow wall window

A relationship that doesn’t end in marriage is a failed relationship correct? If so, I’ve experienced my fair share of failed relationships. But with every failure comes a lesson. I wanted to examine a possible reason of why these patterns exist.

Grandparents (divorced)

My grandparents divorced before I was even born. So my mother got her first taste of divorce growing up. I could only image the affect it must have had on her and her siblings — to see her parents split. Both grandparents eventually went on to marry other people. I was born into this world with two sets of grandparents. I grew up to love and appreciate both sets of grandparents. I was their first grandchild and they loved me dearly.

Parents (divorced)

My parents divorced when I was twelve years old. My younger sister and I chose to live with my mother. Or maybe it wasn’t our decision at all. My mother decided that we would stay with her. This caused a divide between me and my father and eventually we stop communicating. I always wondered how life would be if they were to stay together. Would I value relationships differently? What lessons could I have learned that would guide me to have a healthy relationship today?

Aunt (divorced)

My aunt got divorced when I was just a young kid. I scarcely have memories of her first husband — my uncle. She appears to be happier the second time around (like many are). My new uncle is a very likeable person and is pretty fun to be around. In my eyes they make a great couple. However, my point is, it took her two times to get it right.

Friends (unmarried)

Many of my closest friends aren’t married. And most of them have kids with women they no longer date. I can’t name five happily first time married couples (with or without children) in my circle of friends.

My Relationship (ended)

I broke up with my ex in fear of divorce shadowed by a fear of marriage / commitment. I have witnessed too many first time failures, particularly with marriages that I have lost faith in the idea of happily ever after in general. It’s nothing like going into a situation knowing that you will fail. It’s not a good feeling. And let’s not get kids involved. Let’s not make this anymore weird.

I wonder how much of this affects the relationships I have encountered with people. I have seen many examples of failed relationships in my lifetime. Many examples are also publicized through media — television and movies. Positive relationships go unnoticed while dirty celebrity divorces and breakups make headlines. It’s as if we’re destined for failure.

I wonder how many of us are affected by the relationships that surround us. Are we more or less likely to consider divorce as an option if we have watched our parents go through a divorce during childhood? How much negative or positive influence do our friends have on our relationship with our partners? These are all questions to consider.

Not too many people don’t get it right the first time around as if the first marriage is always a sacrifice.