Most men can’t relate to this topic (or can they?). It’s taboo almost, if you ask me. As the title states, “divorce and its aftermath if you were cheated on”! This topic is fragile because most men are ashamed to admit it! I was living a secret horror movie for 17 years of a LIFE with my ex-spouse.
I was cheated on so many times; some of the cheating was only emotional and the rest was sex! How much was sexual and how much was emotional? I haven’t the slightest idea, my guess would be worse than yours, LOL!
How did and why did I allow this? Simple, it started from my childhood. I learned this fact via therapy (more men need this like colonoscopy checks at age 40). It is truly about identifying were it starts; the root of the issue is what allowed me to allow such treatment as well as how to recover. Many men need this help but were under served. The stigma of being cheated on as a man is emasculating for most alpha males. Men who were cheated on appear weak to men so we hide this fact when it happens. I hid it for years. I was ashamed but therapy got me to the place where I see it as a learning experience. I now know how to pick a better woman for me.
Now, I was an abused kid. I NEVER felt love. I was always made to feel less than by a woman. I was also molested by a female family member who affected me as well long-term. Is it starting to make some sense to you readers why I and others may allow poor treatment in relationships? Wait there’s more. I was subjected to so much abuse that once I got older it was easy to take more on and more and more to the point it became comforting, in a sick way. My new normal had become being mistreated like from childhood. Men, how was your relationship with your mom, sister or other woman as a child? Did you feel loved and were you told you were loved? Were you abused, neglected, do you have mommy issues? I’m asking, not telling, again this is taboo in a way for most men! I’m being called soft and everything now and all types of punks, hahahaha! I wrote this to help others making myself vulnerable because I know that many struggle in secret being cheated on by a woman that they love or stay with for the kids or from guilt. I stayed from guilt and my step kid who I raised from 3 years old is now 21 years old. Your childhood effects your decisions as well. I picked abusive women who cheated and were cruel. Don’t underestimate the effects of your childhood effecting your adulthood.
I also witnessed my uncle abusing my aunt physically. He would beat her from the front of our house to the back of it! He cheated on her so much it was like getting up for breakfast, nothing but normal activity by him. I didn’t hit my woman but I did yell at her at times. I learned this from my uncle. I would yell from seeing my uncle do so. NEVER hit a woman, yelling is worse enough. What we are taught is how we deal with all things as adults until we get help or change on our own. I needed help and therapy was frowned upon how I grew up so after years of “I can’t do that, I’m not crazy” I finally realized get help or I will go crazy, hahahaha. It helped, so I said let me help readers of this site about logic for men. I hope it helps at least one reader to not be ashamed and to leave that woman STAT!
Men, what type of fathers or male figures were you exposed to? Did you even have a good relationship with a male at all or even a positive one if one existed? My uncle made me sleep in a garage for a month during the winter as well. It made me see people as ruthless and cold hearted. My aunt with my uncle raised me since 4 years old after her sister threw me down the stairs and broke my arm, almost killing me. I became a ward of the state and she became my guardian. My aunt was my blood and allowed my uncle to abuse me for years. She NEVER protected me. Is this starting to make sense more and more? How many men deal in their adult relationships with women based on childhood scars or examples they learned from the household they grew up in? I learned some poor things that I got help with to resolve. Am I ashamed even while I write this? A bit ashamed but, it’s my truth it’s not a lie and if it helps one person it was worth it.
Where am I going with this you ask? LOL. I understand your questions and it’s why I have presented this information first.
What we allow tends to stem from what and how we’re taught and what we needed and didn’t get. The first thing I suggest is therapy. Men, this is ManLogic right? I’m talking to my fellow brothers here, correct? If you have issues from childhood, they will affect the women you pick as well as how you treat them and how you let them treat you.
My ex cheated on me because I was damaged and she took full advantage of my insecurities. All I was looking for was the love I NEVER got as a child. Most of our actions stem from unsolved issues as kids/teens. Look at most men in jail. They tend to have bad family relationships and it’s not limited to just economic factors. Even rich kids have bad parenting.
Here’s how to deal with the aftermath of being cheated on! Seek therapy if you can afford it. It helped me move on. It’s a process, in other words, a journey not a sprint. Men being cheated on scars the ego. It’s not just about what happened, it’s others knowing you were the weak one as perception stereotypically has us thinking about the one who is cheated on as weak. Over the years it was the woman who was cheated on most of the time so we see a man being cheated on as very weak sadly. Those days are of the past. More and more women have moved on as single women now that they can support themselves (my now ex left once she had financial stability — not before)! Women cheat as much as men do. My ex was like the Richard Pryor joke on his classic comedy stand-up routine. Richard Pryor, when caught cheating stated as he was naked with the woman to his wife, “What are you going to believe? Me or your lying eyes?” Richard was like my ex was as a woman. Many women have their own money so not needing me they stay single or date until they get exactly what they want. I caught her with a man 2 times and she lied and said they weren’t having sex. Hahahaha. I guess it’s my lying eyes I didn’t believe then.
That said, move forward like I did. Start dating and get outside of your comfort zone. It helped me. I’m very happy with who I’m dating now. What you need after therapy is to start gaining confidence in yourself again. You need to be told and showed that another woman will like you as much as the one you thought did who cheated on you if not more.
When you pick a bad spouse the positive is in this recovering. It’s that you now know what type of woman you don’t want, hahahaha. Also sit down and ask yourself, “Did I learn anything from my broken relationship?”
Here’s the shocking one for men I did, here it is! Ask yourself all the things you did wrong. Don’t leave even a relationship were you got cheated on thinking you were the POPE! I learned a lot from what I now see as wrong. Being too controlling was my ex’s biggest issue with me and being judgmental.
Even when you’re wronged you may have done things that drive you ex away. I admit I did some things too lol, I’m no saint. I was controlling and very selfish as well. Cheating isn’t what makes one worse than the other. What does is when we don’t see our own faults. Clean your own house before going into another house is the other thing to do to start recovery after being cheated on.
Love is a disease. It’s incurable once you have it. You need it again and again or you vow not to experience it ever again in fear of its addiction. So before you commit to another woman make sure you want the disease called love again via cleaning your house (mind if the fear of being involved again and in love again with another woman she’s not your ex, don’t make her pay for hot ex’s sins).
The next part of recovery is to not settle for the rest of your LIFE, find a new mate you truly dig. LIFE is short. My ex wasn’t wrong to leave or see other men; she like all of us deserves to be happy. Only thing wrong we do is how we do it. How she went about her happiness was wrong, not seeking it. It’s her issue to fix, not mines anymore.
Men make sure not to be fearful of the stigma of being cheated on, it’s common now. Talk about it and don’t go harming your ex because it’s not worth it. Tell her off, that’s all and walk away. If it’s meant to be, it won’t fail. She cheated because you weren’t the one for her. Women know this. Accept it and move on! I finally did!
Happiness is a decision like success. Don’t allow being cheated on to steal another day of your LIFE. Each day is a lifetime lived. Live the rest of those lifetimes in happiness, not regret and not reliving your past. Your future is actually much better if you find a better woman who sees you as her everything.
