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Whether you will admit it or not, one of the deepest fears as a guy in a relationship is losing your woman’s interest to another guy. More expressly, your fear should be centered on not reaching a point where she is more intrigued by someone or something else and not you. But how do we avoid getting to that place in a relationship? What are some of the warning signs that you are reaching that space in your relationship?

How many of us really want to know our significant other? This question is simple yet is complex to some. Most guys are comfortable operating in the confines of their own mind. If they think, that is the way it is. Simple as that. No room for any interjection. There are those who read things on this site dedicated to the thoughts and ideas of men who won’t bother to think openly while reading. That is in some cases is a microcosm of a larger issue. The greatest cause of man’s death is not health-related. It is when he becomes so entrenched in his ways that he sees no more room to live, evolve, grow and learn.

Most of us who live this way do so because it is just easy. I am by no means suggesting that you shouldn’t like what you like – you should. But the idea of remaining open to new concepts and ideas provides your woman at least some level of intrigue in you. In other words, you have no clue what it does to and for her long term. For example, if she is cultured and you aren’t so much – that is okay to a point. But attending something she wants to do is not just about making her happy or trying to keep peace. It can serve as a reminder that she can occasionally expect the unexpected from you. It shows that you are interested in her interests. She desires to be thrown for the occasional loop with you (as long as the loop is positive). Being close minded does not do that for her.

This goes back to a simple question. What do you want long term from your relationship and is your significant other on board with it?  To answer this requires an ability to project forward thinking. One of the worst things in the world when your significant other asks you about the relationship in the future is to respond “I haven’t thought about it”. What do you mean “you haven’t thought about it”? This is your significant other’s likely retort to your response that will open Pandora’s Box of “Where is this relationship going” and trust that is the last thing you want questioned. Don’t mistake this by meaning she needs all of the answers. She doesn’t. But she is also not expecting the relationship to be a pop quiz.

Intrigue is defined as arouse the curiosity or interest of; to fascinate and a mysterious or fascinating quality. The former definition is in verb use; the latter as a noun. Why the need for two definitions of the same word? That’ll become more obvious in a moment. The central idea is that intrigue is not just defined in use differently but it can be manifested in multiple forms.

So what intrigues a woman about a man? Is it his intellect? Is it that he has a quiet and mysterious way about him? Is it one of his interests that spark her? Does she see something in him that can’t be qualified with words? Does she see him as some sort of challenge that must be conquered? Only she knows but the fact is that we play a huge part of sparking her intrigue.

Taking it a step further, what keeps her intrigued with you for the long haul? Is it the fact that you are constantly evolving into a better man? Is it that she is fascinated by learning something new about you every day? Is it that you challenge her intellectually without demeaning her? Is it that you amaze her in how you respond in less than ideal situations?

One thing that keeps her intrigued in the short and long term is the fact that you don’t spend any real time worrying about the unnecessary. This is not to say that you are not cognizant. But in your purview, it ranks somewhere between zero and one on your importance scale.

For example, you know other guys will find her attractive. This will not change. She is your woman. Some of the guys who find her attractive will let her know. This will not change. There will always be other guys. As long as you’re being the man she needs, there’s nothing there really worth worrying about.

The “Other Guy” is a different story. He is nothing like the other guys. He won’t make it known that he finds her attractive (especially he if knows she’s involved with someone). He doesn’t pursue her because she’s involved. He doesn’t pursue her because he’s involved. In spite of the aforementioned circumstances, none of this makes him any less intriguing in general. But what causes your woman to be intrigued by him? More expressly, what pushes her to act on that intrigue?

It takes a simple minded and short sighted individual to tell you that they want all things to be what they are for the remainder of their days on this earth. Who doesn’t want improvement? Who doesn’t desire better? When a guy goes to purchase the Madden video game, he does not pop it in the console expecting to get the same game he purchased the year prior. Or worse, he puts in the game and plays like Tecmo Bowl. The point is simple – being better than we were the year before, the day before, the hour before should be a central ideal in the attempt to be the best man for ourselves.

But what if you aren’t capable of being that guy? Your capacity to improve (and therefore intrigue) is incredibly limited. There is no internal desire to grow for the better. You believe you are as good as you’re going to be and whoever you are or end up with simply has to accept it. What then?

There should be no surprise when the “Other Guy” intrigues her. This largely because he doesn’t think the way you do at all. His desire for self-improvement is evident and often he doesn’t have to broadcast it. She hears it subtly in his conversation even if the conversations are brief. He plants seeds with her without trying. He lifts her up without having to lay a hand on her. He is depth is unfathomable. Yours could be described in comparison to a kiddie pool or a glass of water. This does not place the onus of intrigue solely on you. She chose to be with you. That is on her. But her choice to stay is not solely on her – you play a major role in that process.

All guys possess the ability to intrigue. But the truth about intrigue is that it is not past-centric. It is about present presence and is future focused. Your desire to chase the man you want to be in five years should be constant. The “Other Guy” lives by this mantra and does so for himself. He is selfish in his pursuit for the better him. Anyone who comes into contact with him will do so believing that met a good person even if that is not immediate.

Here is something else about the “Other Guy” you should know. He has not set out to be the “Other Guy”. He is too busy focused on pushing himself. But in the course of life, he has become the “Other Guy”. Your woman doesn’t desire to have another guy – she wants you. But in the absence of you being with her how she desires, she may look elsewhere.

It is easy to minimize her looking elsewhere to just sex – the act of simply putting your penis in your woman’s vagina has not and will not fill a void. Ponder this for a moment – your woman’s vagina is for more than your penis. It is also the birth canal. So the same place you put your penis is where your baby will come out. This says two things: 1) the vagina is more amazing than a penis and 2) if your ability to intrigue is limited to your penis, it shouldn’t shock you when she checks out on you given that her vagina is really microcosm of the depths she desires to have filled.

Ultimately, it is on you to see the bigger picture. Intrigue comes in two forms. Are you a noun? Is your ability to intrigue limited to the initial or early interaction? Or are you verb? Do you possess the qualities to consistently intrigue? The “Other Guy” is likely a combination of the two. You don’t have to try to be the “Other Guy”. Just work constantly on being a “Better Guy”. Otherwise, your lady might make you just “Another Guy”….

A man's deepest fear shouldn't be that he's inadequate; it should be that he is not pushing himself to be what he is meant to be - Max

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