As society continues to evolve, it appears that Man Code is consistently violated. These violations beg the question “What happened to Man Code”?
“Man Code” use to be a set of unspoken rules that men just followed. This isn’t to say the code was perfect or without flaw, but there were just some things we didn’t do simply because it would bring your manhood into question. As a man, we actually cared a bit about what people perceived us to be and we carried ourselves in such in a way that wouldn’t make individuals raise the eyebrow at us.
Now, since “Man Code” must be defined, let’s take a look at some of the most egregious abuses of “Man Code”:
- Being cool with unemployment – A tough economy aside, when did it become cool not to work? A man goes to work – simple as that. He doesn’t make excuses. He even works a job or two he despises because not working is not an option.
- Wearing Jeans with Flip-Flops – I get it. They are easy to jump into when you are in a rush. But seriously, if you’re in that much of rush, some running might be required to get where you need to go. Running in flip-flops is no easy task. If you are wearing jeans, flip-flops are unacceptable. Put on some shoes. I don’t care if it is hot. The next time I see one of you in Home Depot with jeans and flip flops, I’m calling you out. I don’t care even if you’re buying drywall or paint. You will be called out.
- Rocking Sunglasses with glitter – Seriously, how old are you? Take the glittery sunglasses off. Either let the sun in your eyes or go to a mall kiosk and get yourself a pair of $10 knockoff sunglasses. Sunglasses with glitter for a man is not appropriate. You’ve been warned.
- Letting a woman pump gas while you sit in the car – Are you hurt? Are both of your hands broken? This is just disgusting. Get off of your a$$ and pump the gas.
- Not taking care of your kid(s) – I am not talking about paying child support. Any fool with a job can do that. I’m talking about being there, being a father and actually giving a crap about more than what the mother is doing with the child support check.
- Bitching and Moaning all the time – When did it become okay as a man to moan and groan all the time? Real men hate when guys do it. Man up and stop all the complaining.
- Responding to texts with “K” – WTF is that about? Be a man and at least put an “O” in front of the “K”, especially if you are responding to a text from another dude. OMG, if one of you does this – stop it now.
- Being a Full-Time Hater – This really needs no explanation. You can’t say anything nice about anyone or anything? You hate on rainbows. You hate on lottery winners. You hate on someone who has a beautiful significant other. Whenever someone says your name the general thought is hater. Not a good look for a man.
There are many more instances of guys violating “man-code” but you get the point. There is something going on with guys in general and it can’t be good for the long term success of men. But what happened? Why did it reach this point?
There is a story of a little boy who is 3 years old who goes into the closet of his parents. One side has his mother’s clothes and shoes; the other side has his father’s stuff. He looks around and sees that he has options. He can choose to put his mother’s heels on or his dad’s dress shoes. He can choose to grab his mother’s scarf or one his dad’s hats. Ideally, the little boy gravitates to his father’s side of closet. This act says several things. The little boy understands that he is boy and that he is like his dad. He wants to dress like him. He wants to look like him. He wants to be just like his dad.
Now, take the same scenario. But this time take the male option out of the picture. What does the little boy do? How does he respond when he doesn’t have the option of dressing like his dad (or his mom’s significant other)? What does this do to him long term?
The simple point is that a lot of what we do as males is very much based on environmental exposure. If you were constantly exposed to something that became a part of your psyche it affects how you think even today. We can go even further and say that a lot of what we view as an acceptable standard of manhood started from the moment that we were first able to decipher that there were distinct differences between male and female. Has a lack of a daily consistent male influence in the lives of young men changed the overall expectation of manhood, therefore altering the unwritten rules of “man-code”?
It is something that should be seriously pondered and weighed as we look deeper into the space of what being a man is really about. The child support system for example has made it easy for guys to shuck the responsibility of raising kids by simply making it permissible to send a check every month; yet when we look at the overall state of manhood, some want to blame the fact the women are left with the task of raising young boys on their own. It is clashes like this that make it difficult to address the real problem: A lot of today’s men are not being taught properly how to be men and society has become far too comfortable with it.
So when you ask what happened to man code, you must first ask what happened to men. There is no real way to have a code among men when so few real men exist. I am not suggesting that they aren’t any men out here. There are and they should be applauded for being men. Most real men won’t accept the applause because they are simply doing what they are supposed to do: Be a man.
Secondly, understand that man code can only be taught by a man to another man. Women can teach men a lot and vice versa; but this is one of those things that is very specific to men. As a man, there are certain I can’t teach a daughter. I’m not equipped to do it. It is my job to make sure as best I can to put her in a position to learn it from a woman.
Lastly, know the difference between being a man and being a male. Males violate man code not necessarily because they intend to but because they don’t know the difference. The line between ignorance and stupidity is not knowing versus not wanting to know and being okay with it. Man code can’t be restored until men are returned to their rightful place as men. It is as simple as that. Time to Man Up.