woman outside

In a forward thinking society, the idea of spending a legitimate amount of time or mind space centered on the past is counterproductive. It goes without saying that most sane people have no desire to repeat mistakes of the past. But what happens when you continue to engage in the same behavior that ultimately leads to making the same mistakes again and again?

Any person who has lived can think of something that they once did that they regret today. The truth is one should only regret something they did (or didn’t do) if they learned nothing from the incidence. No relationship, friendship or acquaintanceship that is no longer should be considered a “waste” if you are able to look back at them and identify how you became a better person as a result of the interaction.

The hangovers of wasted nights and sexual liaisons are far too common. It has become easy. You get off of work. You do an evening routine. You get yourself ready to go out to an after-hours spot. You survey the terrain in the interest of finding Mr. or Miss Right Now.  You fill yourself with enough fabrications and spirits that whoever becomes your target has to want you the way you them. You take them home or somewhere it is easy to fulfill your sexual proclivity. Then what? You part ways or you may decide that is was “good” enough to continue the occasional romps from time to time. But when the romps become less fulfilling, what then? You are back in the scene looking for yet another prospect. Or worse yet, you continue the unfulfilling romps in the interest of not going through a sexual drought.

This is called the Season of Wasted Orgasms. The season is essentially your life work being centered on getting laid. Everything you do is about getting laid. Your story is about you getting some from anyone you can get it from with little to no fanfare. But you don’t consider what you do before you do it. More expressly, you don’t consider the time wasted on chasing sex. This is because it has become such a part of your lifestyle that it doesn’t make sense for you for you to give strong thought to it. But the fact is that the wasted orgasms will catch up to you at some point – it is just a matter of when and most importantly, why.

Ask a person of substance who once played the field who has settled down with one person now what they learned from the experience. The range of responses you’ll hear will vary from “I needed that to get to where I am now” to “I hate to think about the time wasted with a bunch of people who meant nothing to me” to “I was young and I needed to grow up” to “I’m just glad I got out of that lifestyle before I lost out on a real special person”. Whatever the response, one thing is clear: everyone has a path to walk and even if we are walking on the same path, our footsteps won’t always be the same.

We each must come to a point in our lives where finding our way becomes a selfish act without appearing to be so. The path of self-discovery is not without things that are meant to trip us up. The catch is not to get caught up in tripping up in the same thing over and over again yet expecting things to turn out differently. This is the definition of insanity at its finest.

Mark Twain is quoted as saying the two best days in a person’s life is the day they are born and the day they figure out why. It is a profound statement that serves to remind us that each person should seek to find their deeper calling and meaning. One could argue that the third most important day in a person’s life is the day they come to the epiphany that they are meant for more than they are doing.

It is moments like these that are stark reminders that multiple seasons of wasted orgasms really serve little to no purpose in the grand scheme of what are we meant to be. This is not to downplay the significance the behavior can cause long term. All actions serve a purpose but the depth of the purpose is ultimately what must be determined. Ideally, one reaches a level of maturity that causes them to consider the long term ramifications before the action takes place. In other words, before you make the decision to have sex with someone – what is your intention long term? You know what you are likely to get out of the act (i.e. possible orgasm), but what do you want to feel after the act?

The minimization of sex and acts associated with it has become a large part of contributing to multiple seasons of wasted orgasms. Take porn for instance. There is little to no intimacy in pornography. Yet, there are those who form their sexual identities, preferences and inhibitions based solely on what they’ve seen in porn. This is not to say that porn doesn’t have it place in sexual stimulation – it is just not wise for the long term to use it at your only source. It was created in part to entertain and enhance. But it was not meant as an end all be all. It brings up an interesting question – has porn been a part of creating unfair and unrealistic expectations sexually that could indirectly lead to seasons of multiple wasted orgasms?

Taking it further, what about those who use sex as the answer to all their issues? Take the guy who gets his heart broken. There are those close “friends” who will suggest that he get back in the game immediately to get over the heartbreak. Instead of focusing on working through the issues surrounding the heartbreak, he makes it a priority to have a casual sexual encounter with the first thing he possibly can. Once the encounter is complete – then what? What is his mentality going forward? Is he so gone emotionally about his heartbreak that he just continues to seek casual sex with no attachment or commitment? If he does, this starts his season of wasted orgasms.

If a woman engages in the same behavior, what does it to her? Does it cause her to have self-esteem issues? Does it cause her to question whether or not she can actually have a real relationship? What if the seasons of wasted orgasms affect her ability to feel?

Each of us possesses an opportunity to write and in some cases rewrite the narrative about ourselves. The seasons of wasted orgasms don’t have to be what ultimately define you or the part of your life that defines your relationships. Every day you wake up is a chance to make changes to the life you live that will determine what your legacy is. It means that the narrative of seasons of wasted orgasms is not written in pen or stone. Once you give strong consideration to the impact (or lack thereof) of seasons of wasted orgasms, an alteration to the behavior is possible. The question is – what do you want for yourself and your reputation long term?

Food for thought…

A man's deepest fear shouldn't be that he's inadequate; it should be that he is not pushing himself to be what he is meant to be - Max