Recently, I encountered a conversation that threw me for a bit of a loop. A female colleague of mine made a statement that a guy “looked taken”. When further inquired, she stated that she couldn’t explain but that he just did. When I probed a few female friends about what “looked taken” meant, none of them could explain it. It caused me to seriously ponder what exactly does the “look taken” man look like and more importantly does the “look taken” man miss out on quality women who may be interested in him.

Typically, when a man is “taken”, “off the market” etc. it means that he is in seriously committed relationship or married. Most married men wear a wedding ring – so it is fairly easy to spot him as “taken”. Additionally, men will tell you if they are married or in a relationship if asked. Rarely, if ever, will a woman have to assume otherwise if they simply ask him. Only those “losers” who feel the need to keep their relationship status a secret will lie about it in the interest of not cutting off access to other females. These are not the guys we are talking about in this piece.

The “look taken” man is actually single. He may date on occasion but he is not committed to anyone in particular. It is not that he is a player or trying to “game” multiple women. The “look taken” man is just not pressed about getting involved with anyone who is not worth the time. He is not actively searching for “Miss Right” but he is not opposed to the idea of her either. In other words, he’s open to any possibility because he wants to be serious about any commitment he makes. But make no mistake about it. He will not just commit for the sake of being committed. He understands his value without overstating it.

There may be a view attributes that the “look taken” man possesses that are considered rare gems to women. These attributes are considered rare because he doesn’t actively expose them – but women see something in him that makes it clear he is not like other guys. He doesn’t act a certain way for attention – good or bad.

Here are a few potential gems of the “Look Taken” Man:


  1. The way he carries himself: this gem is the usually the first thing women notice after determining whether or not he is physically attractive to them. His walk, his demeanor, how he speaks to people, his sense of humor, his seriousness all play into how a woman views how he carries himself. Again, this isn’t something he works to do. It is natural and comes across as such.
  2. His Self-Confidence: Some call this swag. Some call this class. The ignorant call it arrogance. I can assure you that there is a significant difference between self-confidence and arrogance. Arrogance is an unfounded and often unsubstantiated confidence often forced in the face of individuals who know the difference between the two. This is not confidence. Self-Confidence comes from a much deeper place. It has been developed over time and therefore is substantial.
  3. His Humility: Humility is defined as “a modest or low view of one’s own importance”. In other words, the “look taken” man doesn’t carry himself in such a way that he deems it necessary to let you know of his value. He is meek without being weak. He doesn’t lack for confidence but the humble “look taken” man doesn’t feel it important to throw his bachelorhood in a woman’s face. He understands the true meaning of “started from the bottom” and doesn’t lose sight of it.
  4. His Attire: The “Look Taken” man may appear that way because his dress may give the appearance that he has a woman’s touch on his style. This is not necessarily true. Most guys dress for two reasons: for comfort and/or to look good. If a woman happens to like how he dresses, that is cool. But that is not his intent. Additionally, he is not “Metrosexual”. He just likes nice clothing.
  5. His Mother’s Influence: The “Look Taken” Man is a single guy who is likely heavily influenced by his mother. This does not mean he is a mama’s boy by any stretch. But it is probable that his mother influence sticks with him in his day to day walk. She taught him the importance of being a gentleman – he is a gentleman. She showed him how a lady carries herself – that is his expectation of women with whom he comes into contact. The standard he sets for himself is to a certain degree influenced by the standards his mother had for him growing up. Again, this doesn’t make him a mama’s boy. It makes him someone who is likely to be a good catch for whoever is the first to figure that because he “looks taken” doesn’t mean he actually is “taken”.

Obviously, these are a just a few and I am sure there are more. But the central idea is that these things can influence how the “look taken” man is viewed by women. But the bigger question is do these things keep the “look taken” man from actually being “taken off the market”?

The simple answer is no. These are admirable qualities that a real woman would embrace in a potential life mate. But don’t be mistaken by possessing these qualities that your potential life mate won’t want some areas in which to build with you in the future. As much as a woman looks at your current product, she is fascinated by your potential. To be candid, she is interested in being a part of you reaching that potential. This is what separates a woman from the pack. Her ability to see the bigger picture and what your place can be in that bigger picture based on your potential.

There is story of President Obama taking his wife to dinner to a restaurant on one of their date nights. After dining there for some time, it was discovered that the owner of the restaurant knew the First Lady several years prior to her meeting her husband. The owner proclaimed that he was once smitten with First Lady but of course was happy for her. In a brief moment alone, the President told the First Lady that if she had married him, she would be the wife of the owner of the beautiful restaurant they just dined in. The First Lady told the President no and that if she had married him, he would be the president.

It is important to remember that the “look taken” man in his self-awareness does not de-value a potential life mate’s worth. This is not meant as a slap in the face to the “look taken” man. But it can be occasionally easy to get caught up in our own abilities and not truly appreciate what a potential life mate brings to the table. Self-Awareness is about balance – understanding both what you possess and those things that continually need work in order for you to achieve what you are meant to do. This is in part is where finding that ideal match comes into place. But one never truly sees the beauty in others if they are constantly looking at themselves.

The conclusion is the “look taken” man is has value – without a doubt. But his willingness to outwardly consider someone else’s value over his own makes him what he needs to be most in order to get off of the “look taken” list: approachable. In fact, this same principle applies to women who “look taken”. That is of course if he hasn’t been stereotyped to a point where no woman he comes in contact with feels they will be valued enough to get him off the “look taken” list.

Food for thought….


A man's deepest fear shouldn't be that he's inadequate; it should be that he is not pushing himself to be what he is meant to be - Max