Scott Van Daalen

There’s this thing called the no contact rule. Basically, the way it works is like this… If you breakup with someone or they break up with you, do not contact them for a period of at least 30 days or one week for every month you were in a relationship. This means no emails, no texting, no Facebook messaging, no stalking, no letters, no calls and most certainly no visits. This is supposedly a proven method to get over someone in the least amount of time. I applied these rules in my last breakup and I must say, it works. The first couple of days were extremely difficult. Ignoring someone that you still have feelings for isn’t an easy thing to do. Especially when your ex leaves voicemails. It can be challenging sticking to your guns but it’s mandatory that you do so. I thought about her multiple times a day. Eventually, I thought about her once or twice a day but after about 2 weeks, I recall going a full day without even thinking about her. By week 3, I could go several days without her crossing my mind. She would reach out to me every week or so.

It’s important to know that you broke up for a reason. The connection you had could feel like and addiction. This is similar to a smoker quitting cold turkey as opposed to weening oneself off. If you do break the no contact rule, picture that as taking another puff of a cigarette or cigar etc. Before you know it, you are buying another pack and smoking again. Don’t go back to the same situation. It will take will power but you can do it. I did it.

This rule is somewhat different depending on if you are the dumper or the dumpee. I just so happen to be the dumper. You will never really know how crazy a woman truly is until you go no contact. There was one instance where she called my phone 50 times back to back to back, literally. I thought she was going psycho.

The no contact rule helped me move on with life. It made me rethink how I spent my time as I focused on positive things. With the no contact rule in place, everything is left to your imagination. You can think good things or bad things depending on the person. I chose to think good things. I was fortunate because we didn’t break up on bad terms. We just didn’t agree on a lot of things and saw things different. Eventually, she took it as if I had blocked her number, which I never did. She was completely thrown off guard and wasn’t ready for it and didn’t expect it. She assumed things would be how they were before when we broke up. This was the 3rd time around, but by this time I was over it. Keep yourself busy. Work and build on things you neglected to do before. Stay positive and determined.

Now I’m doing so much better. Of course this will differ if the both of you are co-workers, she’s pregnant, you have a have a child together, you’re going through a divorce, or in some situation where you cross paths daily. This rule works best in long distance relationships for obvious reasons. Stay strong and good luck!