Christopher Gimmer

You love hanging out with your bros, buds, dudes, dunnies, nugs, nigs, whatever you call them. Kicking back to a football game, or just a beer and convo about the various women in your life or the old ball and chain. Catching up on daily events with your peezo’s is necessary, you need that time away. However, there are times when you’re missing that smell of estrogen in the room. The bounce of some breasts or the shape of feminine hips. Occasionally you just need a female visage within range of your senses. This is called “The Pussy Presence.”

I could go into a bunch of scientific mumbo-jumbo that would probably bore you readers to death, but I won’t. Get on your computer and wiki up pheromones if you want the Bill Nye edition of this read. What I will say is take notice of atmospheric change when there are women around…you’re are in the effect of the pussy presence. It’s a sphere that you want to be inside, when you can’t make it inside the elusive other entrances that exist. With casual sex and the amount of women willing to allow the one night stand or friends with benefits situations decreasing at an alarming rate, we as men are looking for some way to fill the void. This is when we get into just having the presence of a woman. Instead of ranking which events with the pussy being near you have more impact, I’m going to let you readers pick for yourselves.

General Public Interaction/Customer Service

You walk through the mall or supermarket and you catch the smell of that sweet perfume or Victoria Secret lotion (you gotta be real close for that). You spend a few extra minutes flirting with a female customer service professional. The waitress comes to your table and you’re asking all sorts of extra questions about salt in a meal, when you know you could care less. You just want the black stretch pants and attentive facial expressions around a little bit longer. You know you’re not getting the number but every time she comes back you take the flirting up just a few more notches. Guys, we are all guilty of this but you gotta fill the PP void and what better way to do it than in a situation where the woman has to interact with you. The extra benefit to this is they have to be nice. That’s a  +1  for customer service.

Dance Club/Bar

The ultimate goal in this setting is to grab a few numbers with the intention of setting up a meeting for later. Let’s be honest though, the odds are against you. Most likely the place will be a sausage fest with multiple guys salivating over the same few hot girls. What you need to do is, find the presence and bathe in it. Whether it’s the cute bubbly bartender, serving girl or just a woman in the club who looks bored out of her mind, you go in with the aspirations of only conversation. Do whatever you have to do strike the conversation and keep it going. Sometimes it’s against my better judgment to purchase the drinks, but in this case it will keep her around long enough for you to get the fix you need. You may just get the number but don’t bet on that, you gotta play it ice cold. Be advised you may attract attention from other women inside the club, but unless it’s absolutely worth it, don’t leave your current fix.

Strip Club

An entirely different animal in itself and the easiest venue because, well you pay these broads. In my personal opinion they share the same bloodline as hookers. Don’t believe anything they say, but take advantage of every chance to smell and touch. You can get high as Red & Meth in place like this. The pussy presence resonates from every inch of this place. When picking a strip club, make sure you pick a place where you can do the most. Don’t try to go after every single attractive and dolled up stripper though. Pick one or two that you can switch back an forth between and establish the relationship early, this way there is a chance to get it past the point of customer only. This way you might be able to get a bit more of what you really want. Be advised, these chicks know who you are and you can’t fool them, but you can catch one of them slipping up. If you do, I applaud you. The strip club is the near ultimate fix, with no attachment or commitment afterwords. Please don’t throw your rent away.

The Visit

So, you’ve been putting in that work! You started with a number from a girl you met somewhere in the vast ocean of available women and she’s coming over. First things first, clean up your nasty shit that you left all over bachelor man. Do the dishes, clean your bathroom, vacuum the carpets or mop the hardwood. She needs to feel comfortable when you arrives and crosses the threshold. Don’t jump into your thirst bucket the minute she arrives either. Be cool, you have females over all the time right?…Right? SMH. Setting the tone early will set the vibe for the rest of the night. Even if you end up not getting the booty, you are experiencing the ultimate PP fix. There is a girl right there. Yeah, next to you on the couch. What? Sure touch her if she lets you, but not in a perverted way. Relax, this is your jungle and you have all the power.


-“Nuff Said”

Those are the finite levels of Pussy Presence. There are many small factions in between, but we need not be worried about those. Shoot for the top every time. Keep that fix rolling in and you’ll feel better when the sun hits the lids in the morning.

Batman stole all his stuff from me. I could totally beat up Liam Neeson.