One of the most interesting things about being a single man is when you come to realization that you have options of to choose who and how you want to date. Let’s be real – the world is filled with a bevy of beautiful women desiring and waiting for the right guy to come along and take them off the eligible bachelorette list. But what happens when the guy who is single meets multiple women at or around the same time he is interested in getting to know? What is his process of elimination and is he taking the necessary steps to avoid a “Me and My Crazy World” scenario?
There is an old saying in jest that proclaims when you are a single guy it seems as if no one wants you; but the moment you start seeing someone that all of a sudden these women who weren’t thinking about you before start coming out of the woodwork. Where in the world were these women when you were single? Why the urge to be interested in you all off a sudden? All valid questions that we will dive into shortly.
It goes without a saying that the right woman for the right man does something to him and vice versa. He’s generally happier and it shows in his everyday interaction with people. The same can usually be said for a woman as well. So it doesn’t come as a major surprise that other women began to make it known that they are interested more when they see something “different” in him. This is especially true before they know there is another woman he is interested in currently. Once he makes it known that he is seeing someone else, the women are less likely to pursue him; however, they would like their application kept on file just in case a job opening becomes available in the future.
“Me and My Crazy World” is a bit different in that in this scenario you met two women at or around the same time who have both piqued your interest equally. You find yourself feeling both of them the more time you spend with each of the ladies. They both possess some great qualities that are going to make it difficult for you to make a serious choice. Who do you want?
There are some realities you are going to have to face. First, there are a lot of women in the world and no man can have them all. Even if you tried, it would be impossible to try and have them all yourself. Second, just because you’re an illegible bachelor doesn’t mean every single woman wants you. Sure they may be a few who have been interested in you but it is egoistical and arrogant to think that every woman wants you. Third, the longer you hang out or deal with any woman the more she will begin to question your intentions for her long term – especially if you’ve yet to divulge them to her without prompt. In other words, she will only allow herself to be strung along for so long without some idea of what you and she are doing. You will not be able to use the “just getting to know more about you” forever. Fourth, you will only be able to contain the fact that someone else has your interest along with her for only so long. Even if you are forthcoming about what you are doing, she won’t like it. Sure, she might be glad that you told her the truth; but she won’t like it. She is a woman. She knows other women are and will be attracted to you because she is not blind. But she is not the least bit interested in competing for your attention or affections with another woman.
If you’ve dated more than one woman in your lifetime (and most men have), there is a good chance you’ve found yourself feeling multiple women who have your interest. Here are some dos and don’ts if and/or when you find yourself in that situation:
DO: Be honest with yourself about the situation
There is nothing worse than not being true to you about what’s going on. Anybody with sense knows when multiple people are actively pursuing them. If you are serious about finding someone (meaning one person) to pursue a serious relationship with, be honest about it with yourself. Conversely, if your desire is to play the field for a while, be honest with yourself about it too. If you know good and well you’re not ready emotionally or physically to settle down with one particular person, that is fine. But be warned, depending on the type of women you’re dealing with – that “excuse” will not get you but so far for so long.
DON’T: Use sex as a barometer to make a choice
One of the worst mistakes guys (and some females) make in a “Me and My Crazy World” scenario is using sex as the ultimate deciding factor of who you will be with long term. This will likely not end well. This is by no means to downplay the importance of sexual satisfaction. But to use it as a “tiebreaker” or to decide who wins the “prize” that is you reeks in immaturity and irresponsible. It might be wise to forgo any sexual activities in a “Me and My Crazy World” scenario and allow more substantive things to help you decide who and what is it you want.
DO: Level the playing field as much as possible
For the sake of argument, let’s say your “Me and My Crazy World” scenario involves two women you are interested in. If quality time and attention from a woman is of the utmost importance to you – that is fine. Woman A spends about 20 hours a week with you. Woman B spends about 2 hours a week with you. By virtue of your desire for quality time and attention from a woman, Woman A likely will be your choice. Should she be the choice if you didn’t give or allow Woman B the same opportunity to spend time with you? This is part of why you should level the playing field as much as possible. Were there extenuating circumstances that didn’t allow Woman B the chance to spend as much time with you (like her job or the fact that Woman A was around quite a bit)? Both women deserve an equal chance to show you what they are about. An uneven playing field means somebody (if not both of them) will not get that chance.
DON’T: Be surprised by anything the longer you drag it out
A person’s patience is a funny thing and the longer you test it, the more likely it is to fail on you. She could have the patience of Job (I’m not sure anyone is that patient) and you can know this – but don’t press your luck. She will not tolerate indecision from you for long. She probably has a good idea of her value and she will not waste it on someone who doesn’t appear to be vested enough to show appreciation. She may very well hedge her bet and start to follow up on interest from other guys, therefore taking the ball out of your court. If you’re out and you see her with another guy – don’t be surprised by it if for months you’ve basically drug her along with your “lack of backbone” to make a firm decision about you and her. (Side note: When you see her out with another guy – don’t play yourself and try to show out because the situation is really on you.)
DO: Be real when you find yourself starting to catch feelings
There is nothing more ludicrous than a guy who is feeling a woman who is clearly feeling him trying to play the game of “I’m not sure I feel the same way”. What kind of crap is this? Are you in junior high school or are you an adult? Grow up, man up and speak your truth. The primary time you get your face cracked is when you choose not to be real. Let’s be honest – the idea that being a man means you hide your feelings for someone is played. This is not the day and age for that behavior. Women will walk out on you if you are intentionally trying to keep them in the dark about you feel about them.
DON’T: Walk into a “Me and Crazy World” scenario with no idea of what you want long term
This will be one of the primary reasons why you’ll end up in a long term “Me and My Crazy World” scenario. Men know what they want and need from a woman with whom they are in or pursuing a relationship with. Women like men. The longer she is with you and you’ve yet to disclose what you’re looking for long term – the less likely it is she will maintain respect for you. The less she respects you – the likelihood of her opening up to the possibility of someone other than you is awakened in her.
DO: Know the longer you play the game, the chances of losing are greater
Hypothetically, how long will any woman put up with a situation with no firm commitment? One month? Three months? Six months? I’d say if she went longer than six months without seeking a firm commitment from you, then she is just like you – playing the “Me and My Crazy World” game. Let’s take it a step further. The world is small. How probable is it that at some point you’ll run into one the subjects of “Me and My Crazy World” while you’re out enjoying yourself? How do you explain it to them without lying? Even if your attempt is not be a player, you’ll end up looking like one. Unfortunately for you, there process of elimination will no longer be completely up to you. Furthermore, after a certain point of dealing with a guy – a woman will begin to form her own realities about him – even if they are unfounded. This is called women’s intuition. She senses therefore she thinks. You have something to do with that. Yet again a game that you don’t really want to play with her because once something enters her mind about you– look out. You won’t just get it out of her head with a simple explanation.
So how do you avoid the “Me and My Crazy World” scenario. Don’t try to be something you are not. Be real with yourself. Know that is perfectly human to be attracted to more than one person. Know that it will not fly over well long term to try and act on those attractions. Know what you want. Remember, the world is crazy enough as it is. Do you want to try to live in a crazy world and create your own crazy world in the process?
Food for thought….