As we continue our look at long-distance relationships, let’s look at some more truths:
Truth #6: Someone will have to make a move eventually
The longer you are together with a person long-distance, the more likely it is you’ll start to have conversations about being in the same city. If each person is established in their respective location, the decision about where you will live together can be tougher. It is important to remember that some sacrifices are worth it. Are you that tied to your barbershop that you aren’t willing to move? Depending on your employer, you may not be able to just move because you find love and you want to be together. What if one of you has a child or children in school? Moving for love is further complicated by the child’s school calendar. If one person makes a move to be with the other, the other must understand and appreciate the sacrifice made and acknowledge it.
Truth #7: If you live together immediately, get ready for potential conflict
You will not see eye to eye on everything if you move in together upon relocation to the same city. It can be something as simple as condiments in the pantry versus in the refrigerator. Showering before bed versus in the morning. Toilet seat up or down (just leave it down). Do you each budget? Are one of you frugal and the other spend easy? Is one of you a pack rat and the other excessively tidy? Moving in together is already a big step in a relationship; but to do it after being long-distance can be filled with catty moments. The catty moments are not necessarily a bad thing; they can be good in that they help you to understand that living with someone who you’ve only dated long distance is a process that will take some time.
Truth #8: One of you will not want to be long-distance for very long
There is an old saying that “absence makes the heart grow fonder”. While this may be true in some cases, in others it depends solely on the strength of the heart. Honestly, who wants to be in a long term committed relationship that is long-distance for an extended period? There are some who do it and do it well. But the distance, like any perceived “negative” will wear on you. Everyone wants to be close to someone they love or are in love with. A few months long distance might not be all that bad. But a few years (especially if it has always been long-distance) likely won’t last.
Truth #9: There is no nice way to end the relationship
Ending a relationship is difficult enough as it is (unless they or you are a cold, heartless a-hole). But ending a long distance relationship comes with several interesting points. First, what is the best way to end it? You can do it over the phone but you might appear weak because you did not do it face to face. You can end it face to face but why waste a trip to see her when you know you are going to end it? If you plan to end it, know your lady and find the best way to end it as cordial as possible.
Truth #10: Meeting on the internet + long-distance dating = a lot more work to be done
In the age of the Match, E-Harmony, Black People Meet, Farmers Only, Plenty of Fish etc. meeting someone on-line has become very common. If you connect with someone on a match-making site and you are not in the same proximity, get ready to do a lot of work. Not only do you have the task of getting know them from a distance, you also must contend with the premise that catfishing and lying are quite prevalent on the internet. Are they who they say? Why are they on the internet looking for love? Why haven’t met someone in their area who they’d like to date? All legitimate things to query if you are interested in a long distance relationship with someone from a matchmaking site.
Bonus Truth: Do not make the ultimate commitment until you’ve fully vetted them
Unfortunately, there are far too many horror stories about long-distance relationships where they get married without fully vetting each other. Marriage is the ultimate commitment – one where trust and honesty are of the utmost importance. You need to know them as much as possible. Living together is not necessarily a requirement but living in the same area is vital. Meeting their entire social circle isn’t necessary but meeting the people who know them is pivotal. If they are not too keen on you meeting their family and friends when you first start dating – that is okay. But if they are talking marriage and you’ve only met their pet – RED FLAG. If they are in rush to get married – RED FLAG. Green card stories are real. People marrying to get out of debt is real. Cover your bases before you agree to the “I-Do’s”.
By no means are we trying to scare anyone away from long-distance dating. It is just important to know what you are getting yourself into before pursuing it. All relationships take a lot of work. Long-distance relationships just require more than some are willing to do. A long-distance relationship with the right person is worth it. The question is whether or not they are the right one and are you willing to do what it takes to find out. Happy Dating!!!