Talk to anyone with some dating experience and you likely hear that they have tried long-distance dating/relationship at least once in their life. Everyone’s experience is different. You’ve heard fairy tales. You’ve heard horror stories. Now you’ll hear the truth.
Truth #1: If trust is a personal issue for you, long-distance dating/relationships are not for you
This fact requires you to take off the rose colored glasses when you look in the mirror so that you are completely honest with yourself about you. One of the best ways to deal with trust is to simply allow you to trust. However, it is not advisable that if you struggle with trust in local relationships a long-distance relationship is probably not your best option. It is like buying a new Mercedes when your budget calls for a Ford. Yes, the Mercedes is nice but can you handle all that comes with it? The maintenance, the payment, the gas and general upkeep will kick your butt on a Ford budget.
Truth #2: You will not truly know the person until you are in the same city full time
This truth is specific to those who start a long distance relationship from distance. If you were dating someone locally for some time and they relocate, this doesn’t necessarily apply to you. Knowing someone is recognizing things that you appreciate fully or conversely drive you insane. You spend a weekend together and it’s perfect. They’re polite. They cook for you. You have the best sex all the time. They’re very affectionate. Everything is all good. Why? Because it is a weekend. When are people usually their happiest? When they don’t have to go to work. When is that usually? On the weekend. Let’s fast forward. You end up in the same city. You spend time together during the week. You enjoy the company of each other but it is not the like the weekends you used to spend together. They’re polite when they’re in a good mood. They cook for you when they feel like it. They have sex with you but it lacks the same veracity as the weekend sex. There is less time for affection because you each have to get up in the morning and go to work. You notice every single bad habit they have. They are OCD. They don’t clean the house as well as you thought. You see moods you never saw on the weekend. It is easier to show the representative on the weekend. During the week, the real person comes out.
Truth #3: Be wary of someone who only does long distance relationships
Everyone has skeletons. That is understood. But there are some with a graveyard that will give the impression that they are only skeletons. If someone only does long distance relationships, there is a good chance they may be trying to hide something. Unfortunately, they will do whatever they can to keep those coffins in the ground. There are those date long distance exclusively as a means of control. Simply put, it is easier to dictate time spent with a significant other when they are out of town. You cannot just drop by when you are long distance. It requires planning and in some cases a financial commitment for travel. Long distance means you must mutually agree on when you are going to see each other.
Truth #4: Your social calendars better match up or there will be problems
If you get involved with someone who is a socialite and you are a hermit, that is not exactly a match made in heaven and vice versa. When you are long distance, you will spend time together on the phone, Skype, Face Time, Tango etc. A lot of time. If you are not the busiest person in the world and they are always on the go, you run the risk of not spending the time together you want to when you aren’t in each other’s physical presence. Additionally, there are some cases where we become so wrapped in a relationship that we depend on it for our social life. This can be dangerous. Each of you has to have a life outside of each other especially when you are apart so often.
Truth #5: The distance is “easier” to deal with if the relationship existed prior to it
This is purely based in how serious the relationship was before you were in separate cities. You never know the circumstances of which a relationship will be formed. As you get older, you understand that more often than not, there will be something you will have to deal with anytime you get seriously involved with someone. Distance can be tough. This is truer if the relationship started out that way. But if you had a chance to spend time together and establish what you each want from each other before it became long distance, it makes the work of the relationship different. If the relationship starts out long distance, the work of getting to know each other compounded with the distance. If it existed prior to the distance, the work is about sustaining what you were building.
Truth be continued…