A recent event has brought me to the point of asking, “Is it harder for a single mom to find a significant other, or a guy still doing his fatherly duties (guy with kids) to find a partner?” Many people automatically jump into the corner of the single mother because they sympathize with her plight in life. Working two jobs, going to school, raising a child alone etc. Keep in mind not all fathers are out of the picture. Even though the child lives with the mother, many fathers still see their children on a daily basis and provide financial support. Before I get into reasons why I believe both sides have it equally difficult, I’ll elaborate on my story a bit more.
Recently I met a young woman of 24, a bit lower than my normal age limit (and a smoker) but I decided to still meet with her. I broke two of my own rules because she is in great shape, a member of a foreign military, and fairly attractive. Not drop dead gorgeous or anything, but definitely a head turner in some respects.
After talking for a few days on the internet, we decided to meet for lunch and coffee. From my point of view everything went fairly well until she mentioned that, dating a man who already has kids was not really her thing. It seemed however, that she would be willing to give me chance. I was sadly mistaken in that ASSumption because a few days later she told not to think that there would ever be anything more between us. Now, I’m not upset about this because I enjoy the direct approach. However, it doesn’t seem as if I was even given the same chance that I gave her. I compromised age and a smoking habit to meet with her, but the fact that I started a family earlier in life was too unsettling for her to see where this might go.
There are many women out there that feel this way. This fact collapses the dating pool for men who had a child with woman that eventually they could no longer stay with. Could I have made a better decision in the past? Sure, but I’ve learned from these things and will not have anymore children until I get married. However, somewhere in my gut there was a feeling that my meeting with her would never develop into anything special. To be honest, I really wanted to bang her, and bang her hard. I believe every woman deserves good sex, and I’m just the right guy to take care of that need, while satisfying my own. On to the more important matter at hand, here are just a few reasons why being a “guy” with kids makes dating hard for you.
The Perception Of Your Character
Many women will pigeon hole you into the “Baby Daddy” category and dismiss you as a man who can’t handle responsibility. This is not true. While many men will have kids and want nothing to do with them, It is not an accepted fact that all men are worthless guys who are forced to pay child support. Accept the fact that some women can change to the point of which it’s unbearable to be around them. You shouldn’t stay just for the good of the children, so that they can have a two parent household. Children know when the house is unhappy and all that does is foster an environment of violence and disdain. Unless you want your children to grow up with serious issues, don’t put yourself in this situation.
Many women perceive you as broke just because you pay child support. Men adjust to the absence of money better than you think ladies. It’s much easier for us to go without that new pair of shoes, or to not shop constantly to satiate the need to spend money. As we get older, we also accept that this money will never stop disappearing and learn to live with it.
Drama From The Mother
Many of the women that have had our children, don’t want to see us happy. They are vengeful and resentful of the fact that we no longer wish to be with them. Therefore, any relationship we have is at risk of being sabotaged by them. Late night calls for no reason, fake medical issues to make you worry about the children, constantly trying to take you for more money so that you can not enjoy your new life. Basically, attempting to make you suffer for the rest of your life alone, some in hope that you eventually crawl back to them and suffer through the rest of you life with them.
The entire point of this article was not only to share my recent experience, but to also bring to light that men stuck in these situations have hurdles to climb over as well. When trying to move on to the next chapter of our lives, it is difficult finding a woman that will accept what you come into the relationship with but also meets the parameters you have set for yourself.