The “Far More” vs The “Care Less”

One of the strangest feelings is to be a relationship where there is a pronounced love imbalance. A love imbalance simply is when one person is far more into their significant other than the significant other is into them. For the sake of this piece, we will refer to the person who is more into their significant other as the “Far More” and the significant other the “Care Less”. What is worse is when the “Far More” doesn’t notice the love imbalance and “Care Less” exploits this oversight. At some point, the “Far More” may very well wake up and face the reality – they are in a love imbalanced relationship. But what happens when the relationship reaches its demise? What happens to the “Far More” and the “Care Less” after the love is gone?

There is a belief that man in general will never truly know what it means to be hungry. While the ease of access to food will always vary depending on one’s circumstances, the fact remains that he can get it somehow and someway. Even if he has to dig in garbage cans or dumpsters, he will find a way not to starve. This action isn’t ideal, but it will temporarily solve an issue – he won’t be hungry. Conversely, there are those of us walk to refrigerator full of food and get upset we can’t find something that we have a taste for at the moment. We will even go so far as to jump in the car and ride around as if we are some quest for something to eat. Not once on our journey are we considering the other side of the equation. We don’t think for once on our “journey” that there is someone in the world digging in dumpster to find the very thing we are taking for granted in the moment – food.

The premise here is simple – we do what we have to do get what we want. Even if it means degrading the very fabric of our being to get it, we will. Some will bend over backwards in the interest of having and keeping someone in love with them. These are essentially your people who dig in dumpsters for food. They might know other options are available to them but yet continue to go that place of ease and comfort; the place where they probably won’t have to compete with anyone to get what they need. They will do “Far More” to temporarily satisfy that hunger. The “Care Less” on the other hand has everything right in front of them at home. It is not that they don’t care on any level. They do care about themselves. They care that they can’t identify anything that satisfies them at the moment – even if they have multiple options in front them. None of this matters to them.

What happens when the “Far More” and the “Care Less” collide? Depending on the circumstances, it could be anywhere from a light boom to a major catastrophe. It is extreme to presume that any time these two varying degrees of individual get together in a relationship that it will end in doom and gloom. This is not necessarily the case. One of the amazing things about good people is the influence they can exude making us consider the kind of people we want to be ultimately for ourselves and the relationship we want to try and have long term. But in reality, how often does this happen? Some are so set in their ways that another’s influence will do nothing except cause them to dig their feet in so deeply that they become far worse than they would normally be – making them almost unbearable (major catastrophe).

One distinct difference between the “Far More” and the “Care Less” is the timing in which they feel hurt from the relationship. The “Far More” often feel it during the course of the relationship; the “Care Less” feel it more post relationship. This is one of the primary reasons why neither party can get the relationship to work during its existence. The love imbalance spills over into the emotional pools of each person’s soul. The “Far More” for example is all-in during the run of the relationship – they will do almost anything to make it work. The danger of this is once they make a decision to check out and walk away from the “Care Less” and ultimately, that relationship – they often don’t come back; even if the “Care Less” makes it clear they are willing to change. Conversely, the “Care Less” during the relationship appears as if they are less invested in it than the “Far More” and their actions (often unbeknownst to them) very much give this off. This further emphasizes the need for a love balance in any relationship.

Unfortunately, in a lot of cases the desire to strike a love balance doesn’t happen until the relationship reaches its breaking point. They are those who lack the emotional maturity it takes to ultimately be what and who they need to be in the relationship well before it reaches critical masses. It is liken to a car being repossessed.  They are those who won’t believe things get real until the repo man is at the front door. At that point, it is basically too late. Long before he is at your door, the finance company was calling trying to reach you. If you make the choice to ignore the warnings and opportunities to work on things, what then? It should not come as a shock that there is a tow truck waiting for you.

It is easy to hypothesize that a “Care Less” should be with a “Care Less” and a “Far More” should be with a “Far More”. While this may be true in limited cases, it is lackadaisical logic if one desires a long term commitment to someone. Relationships are as much about balancing the things we have in common with the other person as the things we don’t have in common. The odd thing about relationships is whether we will admit it or not, good or bad, relationships have the capacity to change us and they often do. Simply put, depending on the depth of the relationship, a “Far More” could eventually become a “Care Less” and vice versa.

There are those who will gleam from this piece that the “Far More” is the clearly the better person in a relationship. This is not necessarily the case. The ideal that good people make great partners in relationships is only true if they remain good people through the run of the relationship. As stated previously, relationships have the capacity to change us – good or bad. The “Far More” has things they need to work on individually has much as the “Care Less”. Conversely, the “Care Less” isn’t the worst person in the world. Search deep enough, and you are likely to find some endearing qualities that would make someone find them interesting enough to pursue a relationship. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have to work on being better for their relationship. The “Far More” and the “Care Less” both share responsibility “After the Love is Gone” because they each play a role in the relationship reaching that point – even if that role is getting involved in a relationship that was doomed from the get go because it lacked balance. No one plays a game of one on one by themselves. If both make a choice to get involved with each other then they both share responsibility for making the relationship be what it could be.

When the Love is Gone, what do the “Far More” and “Care Less” do once they’ve both come to that realization? Is it ending the relationship immediately? Or is it staying trying to figure out if it is a phase that will eventually pass? Only each person in the situation can say. But one thing is clear – both must be transparent and honest with themselves and each other so that they each have a chance at the happiness they each deserve – even if that happiness isn’t inclusive of each other.

Food for thought…..

A man's deepest fear shouldn't be that he's inadequate; it should be that he is not pushing himself to be what he is meant to be - Max