Cheating. A major downfall of relationships. It has been estimated that 50% of relationships involve infidelity. Maybe you cheat on your woman; maybe you don’t. If you do, here is some insight into why you may cheat:
1. You Are Not A Relationship Type Of Dude
This may seem simple and almost obvious but it really is not that easy. Why aren’t you a relationship type of dude? Is it because you didn’t grow up being taught that relationships are the “normal” way of life? Or is it because you were only exposed to dysfunctional interactions between males and females? Did anyone teach you how to have a productive relationship? These are questions you have to ask yourself before you commit to a relationship. They’ll help you understand what you’re dealing with in terms of being honest about your “skeletons” going into it and trying to maintain it long term.
2. You Keep People In Your Circle Who Don’t Discourage It
If you want to get to know someone, take a look at their circle of friends and acquaintances. We are but a sum total of the people we consistently have in our lives. CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies don’t hang out with bums and vice versa. If you want to get to the point where you are faithful to your lady, get some faithful married men and guys in your circle immediately. Talk to them. Learn from them. Observe them. Notice how they treat their ladies. Our circle of friends influences us more than we are willing to admit – good or bad.
3. She Doesn’t Demand Your Fidelity, So You Don’t Do It
Should she have to demand your fidelity? Should you have to demand hers? Why should she have to remind you not to screw around with other women? Maybe you are with a woman you know won’t leave you if you have sex with someone else. Does she get the same privilege if she cheats on you? It shouldn’t matter. As a man, what you want is to know you could have prevented dissolution of your relationship by not cheating. The bottom line is you should demand more of yourself than she (or anyone else for that matter) demands of you.
4. You Don’t Really Love Her
The biggest crock is when a dude says to a woman “I love you but I like to (insert your sex euphemism here) other chicks”. I call BS. Do you know what loving her really means? If you say things to her like the aforementioned statement, you don’t know what loving her really means. Loving her means protecting her without lying to her. Loving her means not having random escapades with women and feeling like it is cool. Loving her means you don’t want to do anything to intentionally hurt her.
5. You Think Cheating (And Not Getting Caught) Makes You “The Man”
Somewhere along the way, you got in your mind that raising your “coochie count” elevated your status as “the man”. Wrong. Constant cheating makes you a simple minded male – not a man. Don’t make the mistake of thinking cheating and/or smashing multiple females elevates your manhood. It does not. Flip it for a second. Imagine for a moment if she thought the way you think. Imagine if every time you were up in a different chick, she had some different dude up in her. Angry yet?
6. You Have Yet To Figure Out That You Don’t Need It To Be Satisfied
Here’s a basic principle: you don’t have to act on it to know it; knowing is satisfaction plenty. The mere fact that you can still pull a woman should be enough satisfaction for you and your over-inflated ego. You don’t have to consummate in order to confirm it. You can still attract someone of the opposite sex. Cool. That means you’ve still got some appeal. Take those “I still got it” feelings home and remind her that you do.
7. You Don’t Love And Respect Your Mother (Or Other Women In Your Family)
I know you might be thinking “what does my mother have to do with it”? Quite a bit. If you can buy into the logic for one second – let’s break it down. As a kid, you’d hate to see your mother upset or crying. You’d want to hurt anyone who may have been responsible for her hurt (including your father if he were the guilty party). Cheating on your lady hurts the women in your life that she has connected with emotionally in a way that we are not capable of understanding. You can’t hold your mother (or your daughter if you have one) in high esteem and stomp on your lady’s heart. The two just don’t go hand in hand.
8. You Were Exposed To It Growing Up
As stated earlier, our environments influence us more than we’d like to admit. How many family gatherings did you attend where the guys were separate from the ladies? Did you overhear male conversations about almost getting caught with another woman? Did you hear married men talking about their most recent exploits with their wives in the next room? Did any of them ask you, an impressionable young kid how many girlfriends you had and told you to get as many as you can? Not only were they wrong – it was irresponsible of them. Typically, we don’t acknowledge how much those influences impact us. But they do.
9. It Is Too Accessible
You know the stats: there are far more single eligible females than males, blah, blah, blah etc. You take advantage of it to no end. But at what cost? Additionally, do you want hoards of females having all types of information about you? Like knowing you cheat on your woman all the time. Let’s take it a step further. Do you stay in constant contact with women you’ve previously slept with? Why? You can be cordial with them without having constant contact. Are you cool with your lady always talking to an ex or some dude she used to deal with? Does your lady know you still converse with your ex? If you want to stay faithful, eliminate the outside temptations as much as possible. Quit keeping unhealthy snack food around the house when you’re trying to eat healthier.
10. You Rationalize It
You say things to yourself like “It’s no big deal”, or “She knew how I was when we got together” or “I don’t care about anyone I sleep with like that”. You say them to yourself so much that you actually start to believe them wholeheartedly. It becomes easy to cheat when you make sense of it in your mind. But she does not share in your illogical reasoning – trust me. It is a big deal to her. She may have known how you were but she did expect you tighten up once you got into a relationship with her. She does not care about the other women in general – but she does care that you’re sleeping with other women. Don’t waste energy rationalizing your cheating. It won’t help you or your relationship in the long run.
Bonus: You Haven’t Strongly Considered The Damage It Does
Here is a basic relationship principle: Do what your relationship can handle. Can she handle you being out there with other women? Can you handle what her response may be if she finds out about another woman? Are you ready to lose her? Trust, if you cheat on her, there’s a very high probability that it will damage her emotionally. Worse for you, she may check out of the relationship emotionally. Think of your relationship like a house. Think of cheating her like a natural disaster. Houses aren’t built quickly but natural disasters can do sometimes irreparable damage to them. Don’t be the responsible party for the natural disaster.
Ultimately, you have to ask yourself “is it really worth it”. You put in some work to get into a relationship – don’t ever forget that. The same work and time you’re putting into going after someone else can be better served working on what you already have. If you feel the need to “step out”, ask yourself “why”. Getting to the heart of the issue will help you deal better with it and ultimately get through it.